Three Take-Action Solutions to Common assumptions that mess with our relationships

AssUme. It makes an ASS out of U and ME. 

Do you remember that saying? 

I know not to make assumptions these days, yet I still get caught up in it occasionally. I’ll be 100% certain the person in question meant one thing and I’ll be damned if I’m wrong pretty much 100% of the time. It pisses me off to be so wrong about something I felt I was so right about :)

Here are three common reasons why you make assumptions and take action solutions that move you into healthier relationships:

Common Reason #1: Your past.

If something traumatic happened to you in the past (big or little T trauma), your brain is wired to connect similar as same. Say you got cheated on, your brain links that past experience to your new relationship. Your brain assumes, and makes you believe, that you will get hurt again. And because you’re focused on not getting hurt by staying guarded, guess what’s likely to happen? You’ll attract the exact person and situation you’re trying hard to avoid.

Take Action Solution: Question your beliefs.

When’s the last time you stopped and thought about your beliefs? Is similar always the same? Have you learned new life skills that have taught you how to show up differently in relalationships? If not, is it time for new tools?

Common Reason #2: How you feel about yourself. 

Example: If you feel ‘less than’ another woman you will make assumptions about what she says, how she says it, and what she means by it. 

You make it about you and it’s rarely positive, “I can’t believe she said that to me like that! I can tell she doesn’t like me and thinks she’s better.”

Take Action Solution: Question why you want to make it about you and why you’re taking it personally.

Asking yourself better questions (and honestly answering and taking action on them!) helps you develop your self-worth and confidence so that what used to bother you no longer will. 

You will hear what people say from a healthier perspective and avoid getting your shorts in a wad when you have a strong sense of self.

Common Reason #3: You’re scared to ask.

It’s easier to assume than be vulnerable and ask for clarification. “There’s no point in asking, he won’t listen to me.” “What if he gets mad at me for asking?” What if I make things worse?”

It’s another way to make it about you and then stall out.

Take Action Solution: ASK!

The more you ask, with the goal of understanding and gaining clarity, the better off you get at developing your relationship with yourself and with others. 

Here are some great conversation starters:

• I’m curious, what did you mean when you said…..?

• You seem upset, will you please help me understand why? 

• This is what I heard. Is that accurate? Can you explain? 

• How can we both be heard and figure out a workable understanding? 

Want strong relationships? Don’t assUme! 

I’d love to know! Have any of these three common assumptions tripped you up in the past? How did you overcome them?